Starscream's Bad Day
by Prander
Summary: Starscream tears it up. Graphic Language. Thanks for the feedback and reviews and please check out my profile or forum for a personal thank you. :)


Starscream stood staring out the armored porthole. He was a Decepticon of many sorrows. He weighed his hopes, his dreams and his desires in his mind, boiling and broiling over the many injustices his enemies had heaped upon him.

He put a hand on the glass and gritted his teeth. Enemies would mean just about everybody. He spotted Megatron's armored form blasting away through the dark rolling clouds and he jumped in fright as he saw Soundwaves reflection in the glass behind him.

He spun around.

"Don't you ever knock? What is it now?" His fingers curled into a fist.

Megatron's voice crackled through Soundwaves transmitter.

"Until I return, Starscream is in command. And make sure he finishes those modifications in the launch bays."

"What?! Me? Maintenance?!" Starscreams red eyes widened in shock.

Soundwave held up a list and Starscream snatched it from him, his temper rising.

"Are you kidding me?!" He began to circle around his room as he read, hunched over the list and trying to finish it before he tore it to shreds.

"What the hell is a plunger? Oh sure, Papa smurf blast's off to wherever he feels like going but does he tell his second in command? Nooo. Just here's a list Starscream, get to work!" He spun around and brandished it at Soundwave.

"But if anything happens to his precious warship he slaps me around like a wind sock! Arrgh!" He shredded the list in a flurry of flashing fingers. Soundwave held up a duplicate.

"What are you? A tissue box?" Starscream grabbed the second list. Soundwave pointed to the door.

"Alright! ALRIGHT!" And he stormed out the door with Soundwave following.

**ooo**

Starscream burst into command central, his talons clicking on the floor as he did his level best to actually stomp. Pacing and brooding where better but he was in a rare mood and quite angry.

"Alright everyone listen up! You have work to do!" The assembled Decepticons turned to look at him.

"You mean _you _have work to do." Knock Out called out smugly from his station without turning.

"_Oh nooo!_ That's not how it works!" Starscream snarled.

"_I _am in _charge_ here!" he tapped his chest.

Breakdown looked over from where he had his feet up, watching TV and eating a bag of en-chips.

"Who says?"

Starscream rounded on Soundwave who stood silently behind him.

"Tell them!"

The mysterious Decepticon stood still.

"Oh _now_ you keep quiet?! You really are a son of a bitch, you know that?" he glared at Soundwave.

"Hmm, picking up a few turns of phrase from the humans eh?" Knock Out turned and leaned back against his computer, crossing his arms.

"Yes!" Starscreams blazing eyes rounded on him. "And here's a real good one, Knock out. Go fuck yourself! You over-rated diva!"

"You can't talk to me that way!" Knock Out balled his fists.

"Oh can't I?" Starscream stalked down the small flight of stairs to the ground floor.

"I would say more but no one can ever find you! You're to busy in the bathroom polishing yourself! I swear you are so made over I don't know where the Transformer ends and the body filler begins! Your precious face is so filled in can you even blink anymore?!"

Breakdown threw his head back and guffawed, but Starscream wasn't finished.

He spun around with a snap of his armored wings.

"Shut up, you lumbering cyclops! You should talk! What have you ever accomplished, hmm? Hmm?! The humans captured you and gave you a prostate exam and Megatron still let you _live_?! Disgraceful!" He stalked over towards the massive Decepticon who stared at him with an en-chip still held in his lips.

"Maybe you could have held your own if you had more than that stupid hammer you're always swinging around! What good are you? Hi, my name is Breakdown! I'm useful only if someone has a bag of nails!" Starscream slapped the bag of chips out of his hands. He spun around and bumped into an Insecticon which stood there drooling, a hungry look on it's face.

Incensed, Starscream flapped his hands in front of his face.

"Didn't someone _spray _for these wretched things?! You bugs are a real prize. By yourself your unstoppable but together you just mull around and gum up the plumbing with honey!" Starscream dared to push his way past.

He stomped up the stairs again, snarling back over his shoulder.

"Is there some great group collective that turns you all_ stupid _when you gather? Insecticons! The Cybertronian equivalent of the fucking milk cow!"

He turned and bumped into Soundwave, who silently held out a third list.

"Oh _thank you_, Soundwave! You're a real prize too! The one Deception who can tell us if the Autobots are attacking and do you _say anything_? No! We have to race around in front of you and tune your ears in to learn anything!"

"Am I the only Decepticon with any common sense?" Starscream turned to the whole command bay and held his arms out wide in exasperation.

"Commander Starscream." A Decepticon trooper stepped up, holding out a plunger respectfully. "The supplies Lord Megatron ordered us to bring you."

With a swipe of his hand, Starscream cut the plunger into four parts.

"Get out of my face, you useless goon! That's another thing! You fools are like the tin ducks of Cybertron. We just set you up and the Autobots knock you down. My God, every time we go into battle I feel like standing up and saying 'Good shot Optimus! You've just won a teddy bear!' and he shoved past the trooper.

"But...but..." The trooper stammered.

"But what?!" Starscream spun around.

"Prove me wrong! Thousands of years of fighting and we couldn't come up with better than_ this_?" He raised both hands in disgust at the trooper.

"And what's with that silly visor? You look like a price checking machine. Come here, you! Why don't we see what everything is worth?!" and truly enraged, Starscream grappled the Troopers head under his arm and started dragging him around the room, running his face over everything and shouting BEEP!

Breakdown dropped his feet and getting up, walked over to Knock Out. Together they watched Starscream manically going about the room, dragging the trooper behind him in a headlock.

"Beep...Beep...Beep!"

"He's gone fuckin' nuts." Breakdown frowned.

"He was there a long time ago." Knock Out put his fists on his hips.

"Well, look at that Trooper, won't you?! Everything adds up to WORTHLESS!" and Starscream flung the Trooper down onto his butt.

The door opened just as Starscream slammed back up the stairs and stood hunched over the hand railing, muttering to himself. He spun around a third time as Airachnid came clicking into the room on her many legs.

"What's all the noise, boys?" she purred.

"What do _you _want you _pest_? Here's another real gem. Only good for catching flies and her vehicle mode is a helicopter! What good is _that_!? I'll let you know the next time I need a food processor!" he roared.

Airachnid blinked in surprise. Starscream snarled at her and with a sweep of his arm he looked over at Breakdown and Knock Out.

"Tell me I'm wrong!" But then he blinked. "Oh, I forget who I'm talking tooo." He sneered in a low voice, leaning over the hand railing and his eyes narrowing.

"Tweedledee and Tweedledum. Our resident AUTOBOTS!" He screamed the last word.

"Where's Megatron?" Airachnids eyes narrowed.

"Who the hell knows?! Off giving himself a dark energon enema, no doubt!" Starscream snapped, rounding on her with a snarl.

"Skyquake and Dreadwing are flyers." Breakdown added helpfully.

"Don't get me started on those two drones! Whatta couple of butt kissers! If Megatron stopped walking suddenly, they would shove their nose half way up his exhaust!" Starscream threw his head back with a snort.

"Those two clowns probably have slap fights over who gets to wipe Megatrons BUTT!" He roared with finality at the ceiling, one fist raised.

"And as for your beloved Megatron..." Starscream spun back around to address them all. "He's so obsessed with Optimus Prime and his groupies, he's probably out buying him a dozen roses as we speak!"

He sagged against the hand railing. And there Starscream stood, panting and spent, his long fingers held against his chest.

"Are you finished?" Dreadwing asked. Starscream jumped.

"When did _you _get here?"

He and Skyquake came walking up behind Airachnid.

"Right after Skyquake and I finished fighting over the _toilet paper._" Dreadwing growled with a tilt of his head.

"You know something, Starscream." Airachnid glared.

"You talk to fuckin' much." And suddenly the ring of Decepticon warriors closed in on him.

**ooo**

Megatron transformed as he swooped into the launch bay to land. He slammed down with a roll of thunder from his heavy boots and straightened up to observe Starscream.

He walked over to his second in command, who hung upside down, coiled in thick lengths of chain and pummeled to within an inch of his life.

"Well Starscream. I seen you've done your usual stellar job at commanding the troops."

"Master, they've all gone insane! Traitors! Release me! I was only trying to enforce your will!"

"Is that sooo." Megatron leaned over, his eyes glowing with a deadly light.

"Where _is _the _plunger_?" He growled and Starscream whimpered.

"You don't want to know!" He cried, shaking his head slightly.

"Release me master! Please!"

"Starscream, I may be a little busy right now." and Megatron leaned in closer, his pointed teeth grinding.

"After all...I need to go back and buy a dozen roses once I'm done here." He snarled, making a fist and drawing his arm back.

Starscream lived up to his name.

He screamed. And then he saw stars.

Everybody has a bad day.


End file.
